Of first kisses

Our wedding day

By God's grace, Ben is the only man I've ever kissed. When Ben and I shared our first kiss, we were in a courtship with the blessing of both of our families and had long known we would spend the rest of our lives together. I am so thankful the only man whose lips mine have ever met is the man I am covenanted to 'til death parts us.

There is a general attitude among young people today, even many Christians, that kissing is not a big deal.

I think back to the first time Ben and I held hands, the first time Ben kissed me on the cheek, and that awkward first real kiss (the first for both of us). I am so thankful these are memories we share, and that years later these are still meaningful expressions of our love for each other--expressions neither of us has shared with anyone else.

In a culture that tries its hardest to rob children of their innocence so early in life, a culture that glorifies pre-marital s*x and balks at the sacredness of intimacy, I'd like to encourage you mamas to teach your children to cherish and save even "lesser" forms of physical intimacy. And if there are any single young ladies reading here, I'd like to encourage you, too. It may not be easy to wait when everyone everywhere is doing it differently, but your husband, wherever he may be and whenever you may meet him, is worth waiting for.

Disclaimer: I am in no way saying I think you're an awful person if you did things differently than we did. 

Six ways to love your husband when (even when you're exhausted)

"God's will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband (Genesis 2:18). After a wife's own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife's time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day." 

~The Excellent Wife, page 4 (emphasis mine)

As I spend my days (and nights!) caring for two young children, it can be hard to remember that my primary ministry is to my husband--not my children. My number one goal in life must be to be the best wife I can be for him, to the glory of God. This is what I'm called to--and truly, if you're striving to be the absolute best wife you can be, you'll probably do a good job with your children too.

Your husband loves you. He married you because he wanted to spend his whole life with you. And he deserves better than your worst at the end of a day of chasing babies. There may not be any way to avoid being tired at the end of the day. So, what can you do?

Here are a couple suggestions (and I'm totally preaching to myself here, too!):

::Take ten minutes before he comes home to freshen things up. It's doable! In just two minutes, you could brush your hair and change your shirt if it's covered in spit-up. Then, spend the rest of the 10 minutes picking up messes. If your children are old enough, enlist their help!

::Keep your room picked up. A few minutes per day of tidying can make a world of difference. When you get up in the morning, make your bed (as long as your husband isn't still in it!), pick up dirty clothes, and when you leave your room, take a couple things that don't belong (toys the children dragged in, the glass on the nightstand, etc.). A clean room is more relaxing. And, let's face it--it's more romantic, too.

::Don't unload on him. If I've learned anything in my 3 1/2 years of marriage, it's that men are not as chatty as women. While I definitely think you should keep an open line of communication with your husband, his first minutes home should not be filled with your complaints about the day.

::Make sure he has clean clothes. Doing a load of laundry every day or every other day isn't that much work. Making sure your husband has clean underwear, socks, and clothes to wear to work should be a top priority. Here are some of my tips for staying caught up on laundry.

::The way to a man's heart is through his belly. You may not have the time or energy for gourmet meals, but you are going to be eating something every day. Keep your husband's preferences in mind when preparing food rather than catering to your children's picky-ness. Having a menu plan is a lifesaver for me in this regard. If I plan our menus and make a list of everything we need, I know I have food on hand for a meal for Ben every evening.

::Remember the other way to his heart. You know what I'm talking about. Even when you're tired, it's really important to bless your husband in this way. Look forward to it. Make time for it. Enjoy it. Enough said.

I'd love to hear from y'all--especially the older, more seasoned wives among us. Any advice you can share for us younger women in the spirit of Titus 2 would be much appreciated!

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A wedding hymn

Since we celebrated our third anniversary earlier this month, I (of course!) thought back over the details of our wedding and enjoyed reminiscing a bit. It really was the perfect ceremony for us. The following hymn is one I fell in love with from the wedding section of our hymnal. A dear friend sang it during our ceremony.

O Father, all creating,
Whose wisdom, love, and power
First bound two lives together
In Eden’s primal hour,
Today to these Thy children
Thine earliest gifts renew,
A home by Thee made happy,
A love by Thee kept true.

O Savior, Guest most bounteous
Of old in Galilee,
Vouchsafe today Thy presence
With these who call on Thee;
Their store of earthly gladness
Transform to heavenly wine,
And teach them, in the tasting,
To know the gift is Thine.

O Spirit of the Father,
Breathe on them from above,
So mighty in Thy pureness,
So tender in Thy love;
That, guarded by Thy presence,
From sin and strife kept free,
Their lives may own Thy guidance,
Their hearts be ruled by Thee.

Except Thou build it, Father,
The house is built in vain;
Except Thou, Savior, bless it,
The joy will turn to pain;
But naught can break the union
Of hearts in Thee made one;
And love Thy Spirit hallows
Is endless love begun.

I think the words of this hymn, written by John Ellerton in 1876, are so rich and God-honoring. Christian marriage is such a beautiful gift from a gracious and merciful God. And truly, as we work to build our home, if the Lord is not the builder, our labors really are in vain. Without the blessing of God on our marriage and our family, what good will any of it accomplish? Today and every day, I am thankful for my godly husband and the family the Lord is allowing us to build together. How I do look forward to growing old together and seeing the fruit of our labors!

What are you thankful for this Lord's Day?

Nothing will quench its flame...

 Set me as a seal on your heart
Set me as a seal on your soul
As strong as death is love
Unyielding as the grave
Nothing will quench its flame
Nothing will quench its flame

Set me as a seal on your heart
Set me as a seal on your soul
As strong as death is love
Unyielding as the grave
Nothing will quench its flame
Nothing will quench its flame

Kiss me, my love
That your name be on my lips
You intoxicate my being
With the fragrance of your presence

How beautiful you are, my darling
Show me your face, let me hear your voice
Sweet as the dew in the early morn'
Like a lily among the thorns

Set me as a seal on your heart
Set me as a seal on your soul
As strong as death is love
Unyielding as the grave
Nothing will quench its flame
Nothing will quench its flame

I looked for you, the one my heart loves
I looked for you but did not find you
Searched through the night
Until I rested in your sight
Now I will never let you go

'Cause you have stolen my heart
My sister, my bride
You've stolen my heart
With one glance of your eyes
Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey
My hands, they drip with myrrh

Set me as a seal on your heart
Set me as a seal on your soul
As strong as death is love
Unyielding as the grave
Nothing will quench its flame
Nothing will quench its flame

Today, it's been three years since we said, "I do." I couldn't be more thankful for my Beloved. Happy anniversary, Ben!

This song by Matt Maher was the song we chose for our first dance. The photo was taken by our fabulous wedding photographer, Rachel Whited.

And I thought I loved him then

the engagement photo that was on our wedding invitation

Three years ago this week (March 21), Ben asked me to be his wife. Seven weeks later we said, "I do." It's amazing to me how much has changed since then--two new little people being the biggest of those changes (!). Being married to a godly man is wonderful. Ben's self-sacrifice, protection, provision, and leadership are such great blessings to our family!

Two Years

Two years ago today, I married my very best friend. I am so thankful the Lord brought us together! 

I love you more than I can say, Ben Murch. Happy anniversary!

PS: I should be back to normal blogging later this week. Between morning sickness/all day fatigue and having out-of-town family visiting, I've been plum busy and kinda worn out. :) "See" y'all again soon!

Valentine's Day

Last year was our first married Valentine's Day, and I was just about to burst, at almost 39 weeks pregnant (aah, the memories!). We decided we were going to forgo celebrating on the 14th with everyone else in the country, and have a quiet night out after Valentine's Day. That's what we did last year, and it happened to be our last date before Katie was born. We decided it worked out well, and opted to do the same this year.

So, we declared Monday our own, personal Valentine's Day and spent the entire day together. We started off with a nice breakfast at Cracker Barrel while Ben's family kept Katie. Then we came home and I started making lunch while Ben ran out to rent a couple movies from RedBox. When he came home, he surprised me with flowers and chocolates (awww). And, don't tell anyone that we ate them all in one day. Ahem.

Lunch was not a smashing success, and dinner wasn't either, unfortunately (note to self: trying two new recipes in one day isn't the best idea). But, we had a wonderful day together despite. Plus, we were able to have a quiet meal out, and flowers and chocolates were a lot less expensive February 15 than they would have been the 14th. That definitely works for us!

This post is linked to Works for Me Wednesday and Frugal Friday.

How to have a great date night at home

Aside from the fact that we live on a pretty tight budget, we live about 15-20 miles outside of "town," making evenings out very infrequent for us. While I do enjoy some time out with just Ben, I often find an at-home "date night" equally relaxing. It's cozy and quiet, it's inexpensive and we don't need a babysitter (though, with 6 younger siblings-in-law half a mile down the road, plus a Grandma and a Papa, babysitters aren't all that hard to come by!).

Two things that really make an at-home date night enjoyable for me are putting Katie to bed early so I can focus on Ben and straightening up before we get started. It's sort of stressful to "relax" amidst clutter. I like to have the kitchen cleaned up and the house straightened up before our "date" starts. It's much more enjoyable for me that way.

Now, for some fun at-home date night ideas:

::Prepare a nice meal. You can make a delicious, restaurant quality meal at home for a fraction of the cost of going out to eat. In fact, if you have a favorite restaurant meal in mind, you can likely find a "copy cat" recipe online and give it a try. One website to check out is CopyKat Recipes. If you do some of your prep. work and cleaning earlier in the day, it will make it more simple and give you more time to spend with your hubby! Of course, instead of making something fancy, you could always make something fun and simple like burgers or homemade pizza. Sometimes we even pick up a pizza from the deli for $6 or $7. It's better than a frozen pizza and cheaper than takeout. Plus, you can doctor it up if you want.

::Have dessert. We don't do much dessert at our house, so this is a fun treat. Brew some coffee to go along with it if it won't keep you up all night! Honestly, I'm not a coffee person myself, but Ben LOVES it!

::Watch a movie. Ben and I love to snuggle up in our bed and watch a DVD on the laptop. We have done free trials of Netflix and Blockbuster Online. The free trials last two weeks and they send you as many DVDs as you can watch during that time frame. You get one in the mail, watch it, return it, and they send another one. Don't forget to cancel the subscription before the two weeks are up or they'll charge your credit card. However, both of these services are pretty reasonably priced and are something to consider if you watch movies frequently. Another option for movies is RedBox. Their rentals are $1 per night. If you have to make an extra trip to get the movie and return it, it's not as good of a deal as it sounds like. But, if you're already going to be out, it works out well! Just don't forget to take it back--we paid $7 for a movie one time!

::Play a game. My hubby's not a big game person, but there are a couple of games we enjoy playing together. A little friendly competition is always fun. :)

::Do a puzzle. I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I really enjoy puzzles. Plus, it's an activity that lends itself to conversation, making it a great activity for a 'date night.' You could keep the puzzle and pieces underneath the glass on your table to keep them from getting misplaced if you don't finish it in one sitting. There is also puzzle glue you can buy at Michael's to keep your puzzle stuck together once it's done. If you really like it, you could even frame it and hang it somewhere in your house. :)

::Just talk. It is so easy to get bogged down with everything and not set aside time to have a quality conversation with your spouse. When we were courting long distance, we spent hours on the phone every week and sometimes, I miss those long hours of just talking with my man. Perhaps the best "date night" you could have at home with your husband is dinner and a nice, long talk. After all, I would guess one of the reasons you married him is because you enjoyed his conversation!

Those are just a few basic and obvious ideas, but be creative! Just because your budget doesn't allow for expensive nights on the town doesn't mean you can't enjoy a nice evening with your husband. Whatever you and your hubby enjoy doing together at home, set aside a "date night" and do it! Enriching your marriage by spending quality time together is so, so important!

What do you and your husband do to spend time together without breaking the bank?


This post linked to:

• Frugal Fridays
• Your Life, Your Blog