On Coming Home: Be Content with Less

To read the first parts of this series, go here.

I think the most important thing you can do to make it possible for you to come home is to be content with less. We live in a very stuff and entertainment driven society. Our houses are packed to the gills with clutter and we spend lots of money just to keep ourselves entertained. Sadly, this mentality causes us to miss out on really living purposeful lives and devoting ourselves to things that are truly important--like a good relationship with the Lord and the people who matter the most to us.

If you're going to choose to part with a big chunk of your income, you'll have to evaluate your spending and figure out what things you can cut out. There's nothing wrong with spending money you have on stuff and entertainment and conveniences, though it is important to examine priorities. If things that are truly non-necessities are keeping you from staying home with your children, I would submit to you that perhaps your priorities are out of line.

Look through your purchase history next time your bank statement comes in the mail. What things do you spend money on that your family really could do without? Could you go down to one car? Downsize to a smaller house? Cut cable TV, or text messaging?

There are also several expenses you won't have if you are staying home: daycare for your children (which can be astronomical!), business clothes for you, lunches out while working, fewer convenience foods since you will have more time to cook from scratch, less wear and tear on your car since you won't be commuting, among many others.


Most importantly, be sure to consider what you are giving up to have the things two incomes can buy. Things have no eternal value. They won't matter a bit once you're gone. However, investing your very best into your families can have a greater impact than we can begin to imagine. That's why, for us, the cost of sacrificing the time I have at home with our daughter (and pretty soon, our son too!) is far greater than we are willing to pay.

On Coming Home: Why? (Part 2)

If you missed the beginning of this series, you can get caught up here.

As we discussed last week, there are many practical reasons for a wife choosing to be at home over having a full-time job; ministering to the needs of her family by preparing nutritious foods, keeping the home, providing clothes, helping her husband's business, and ministering on behalf of her family to those outside her household are just a few.

Aside from all those (very important!) tasks, though, is perhaps the most important reason a woman should choose to stay home. That is, to disciple her children. When you become a mother, your children become your life's most important work. Training them to love and serve Christ is one of your absolute most important priorities as long as they are in your home. In each of your children, there is huge potential for Kingdom-advancement, not only in their lives personally, but also in the generations that follow them. Raising your children to follow Christ has the potential to impact hundreds of thousands of people with the gospel.

Just think about it. I'll use my in-laws as an example. They have nine children. If all nine of their children persevere in the faith and go on to have even five children each (and, I know for sure several of them--including us!--are hoping for very large families if the Lord is willing), that is forty-five grandchildren. If those grandchildren have five children each, that is 225 great grandchildren. That makes for a potential of 279 disciples in just three generations! And, those 279 disciples will most likely not just influence their own children for Christ, but many in the communities around them.

If Ben's parents had slacked in their duties and failed to disciple their children, that potential would have been lost; no amount of 'ministry' or other work they could have done would have made up for the loss of disciples the generations following them could have produced.

In Deuteronomy 6:4-7, parents are given a clear mandate for the discipleship of their children:

4  Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:
5  And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
6  And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
7  And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

How can we best obey this mandate? Spending time with our children. Of course, there needs to be formal instruction time, but nothing will make up for living out a life of obedience before their eyes and using "teachable moments" as they present themselves. If both parents are gone all day working, it is inevitable that someone will have a greater influence on their children than they do. Since God has given the husband the burden of providing for the family and has called women to be at home, moms have the role of discipling the children in the father's absence.

So, why come home? At work you can be replaced. Most likely, you and your family can learn to live without a second income. However, no one else can be a mother to your children.

As a side note: I am in no way trying to condemn those of you who, for one reason or another, are absolutely not able to stay at home with your children. Obviously, if you are a single mom, your husband is disabled and can't work, or something of that nature, you have no choice but to work to provide. Next week, we'll begin talking about how to come home; hopefully some of you will be able to use some of those tips to be able to spend more time at home even if you can't completely leave the work force.

On Coming Home: Why? (Part 1)

 **If you missed it, you can find the introduction to this series here**

In a day when it seems the vast majority of women choose to pursue careers outside the home, some may wonder why it is worth it to give up your career to spend your days at home. The foremost reason to come home is because home is where God has called us to be, in order to best glorify God by ministering to the needs of our husbands and children first, and then to the Body of Christ and the lost. The family is central to the advancement of Christ's Kingdom, and God has clearly assigned roles to each member of the family, including the wife/mother, as a means to accomplish that end.

In Proverbs 31, we find a description of the virtuous woman:

10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13  She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14  She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15  She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16  She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17  She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18  She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19  She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20  She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21  She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22  She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23  Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24  She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25  Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31  Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

By focusing the vast majority of her time and energies on her family, she meets their needs by providing nourishing food and warm clothes. In addition to making their clothes, she makes enough to give to the poor, ministering generously to their needs on behalf of her husband and family. She also sells some of what she makes to supplement her family's income. Her husband is successful, in great part because of her ministry to him. He and their children are blessed to call her theirs, and they all "rise up and call her blessed." If our virtuous woman was gone 40+ hours per week for a job outside her home, she would undoubtedly be unable to accomplish much of what she does.

I know when I worked full-time outside the home for several months before Katie was born my day looked somewhat like this:

Wake up early and get ready to go, fix something for breakfast and then leave for work, usually leaving behind dishes to wash when I got home (unless we drove through Dunkin' Donuts and got a bagel on the way, which we did at least a couple times every week). At the end of the day, I'd come home tired, but I couldn't rest long because it was time to make dinner. Most of the time, I'd cook, though we frequently ate something ready-made or went out for dinner. After dinner, I'd clean up and have a two or three hours to spend with Ben before it was time to go to bed and do it all again. Though everyone's situation is different, I am confident this is how life is for the majority of women who work outside the home.

I had a relatively easy job working for my dad in his office and the extra income was really nice. However, Ben and I both realize now that it probably would have been worth it to forgo that income so I could have stayed home more. Sure, we would have had to sacrifice things to have been able to make ends meet on one income, but there is much that could have been gained as well. We would have been able to eat a lot healthier, I could have set aside time to exercise to have a healthier pregnancy, and I would have been able to focus more of my energies on helping grow Ben's business, among many other things. Even as just a wife, before any children came along, we now believe my time would have been better spent if I had spent more of it at home.

What do y'all think? Next week, we'll talk a little more about the role of the mother at home, specifically.

On Coming Home: An Introduction

I love being a homemaker. There is not a career I'd rather pursue, nothing in the world I'd find more fulfilling. Spending my days caring for my family and our home brings me great joy. However, I don't just stay home because I want to. I stay home because I, along with my husband, firmly believe it's the best place for women (especially mommies) to be. We believe it's where God has called me to be.

There was a time in my life when I had plans for a big career. I even once said when asked whether I'd like to stay home with my (future) children that, "I'd never waste my time staying home with my kids." Obviously, my perspective has changed quite a bit. I'm confident the radical change of mind I've undergone is the result of the Spirit of God renewing my mind through His Word.

The issue of whether women should be homemakers is a pretty controversial these days, with constant attempts by secularists to blur the distinction between the roles of men and women. I believe with all my heart that if wives and mothers would return to their biblical role of being keepers at home, it would do wonders for the state of the family in our day. Ultimately, the strengthening of the institution of the family is the only way to bring reform to the culture at large.

While being homemakers is only part of the big picture of God's design for women, it is a very important and central aspect, and one that is often neglected in our day. I'm planning to spend some time over the coming weeks discussing the issues surrounding the high calling of being a keeper at home including: reasons for coming home, how to make the transition happen, as well as some specific concerns many women have, like 'what if my husband doesn't want me to be a homemaker?'

I hope this mini-series is a great encouragement to y'all. It encompasses the heart of what Covenant Homemaking is all about--women fulfilling their God-given duties and bringing reformation to a lost and dying world in the process.

I'd also love to hear your input over the course of the series. If you have a post on your blog you think would fit well with the series, or if you'd like to write a guest post, please send me an e-mail and we'll see what we can do!